in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
