I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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