definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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