i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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