I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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