No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
