do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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