He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
