we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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