I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
