Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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