Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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