some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
