just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
