Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
