she looked like the before picture.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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