God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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