On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
