we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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