The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
