Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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