You made me cry and you don't even care
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
