I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Four minutes until I can fart!
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This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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