Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Damn victory sex feels great
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
