can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
