Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
