dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
