Say something about gay babies.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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