My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
