my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You are a genius and a whore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
