I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it hurts more in the daytime
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
