I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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