remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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