I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
