Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
