these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
