I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
