my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
