Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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