i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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