no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
