if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
