well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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