Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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