Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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