Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
