she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
