i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
