I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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