either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
