stop calling my apartment porn island.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
