Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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