I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize