Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
