My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
