You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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