They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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