I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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