My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
