Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
