Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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