If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
