i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I could make wine with my vomit
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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