Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize