I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
