...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love you. Go after that dick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
