I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
