and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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