someone threw a dead crab at me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
