My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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