I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
