you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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