i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
