I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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