We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
