I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
