can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
