i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
