So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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