your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
