these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
