I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Couch. On fire.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize