I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're breaking my sexual little heart
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
