first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
